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Thoughts on Religion

by Michael Kirwan August 29, 2013

 

I've been working on a couple of church-related images recently. So naturally, I've been considering some of the essential mythology that lays the groundwork for these establishments. I'm not entirely sure whether or not these observations have been delved into by more learned folks who actually care enough to study this stuff (as I'm not one for research), but these particular points haven't trickled down to the "common knowledge" realm where I would've noticed them.

 

Angels. Living in Los Angeles I'm constantly reminded of these winged literary creations. I haven't given them much thought because I doubt they ever existed. They make nice artistic subjects just as their fellow human-hybrids the Minotaur and mermaids. It occurred to me that all of the named angels in the bible were male; Michael, Gabriel, Lucifer and the rest (again, too lazy to research but I did read the thing thoroughly four decades back). Never heard of a single female-named angel. So, this God character populated his realm with only male subordinates. What makes something male? In the vast array of life forms on this planet, it is typically the presence of a cock. From all of the artistic interpretations of these creatures, it's likely they would be categorized as mammals and all mammals have dicks (which get hard to deploy sperm), and any being with a cock wants to stick it into something warm, wet and preferably tight. Here we've got an all-male society that according to the texts existed for a very long stretch of time before humans made their appearance. Kinda queer? I certainly think so. Also, it would seem that this "God" skeeved vaginas to such an extent that he conjured up this "holy spirit" character to impregnate Mary. Zeus would've just alighted from the heavens to knock-up a human woman if he felt compelled to create a demi-god or two. The written evidence would indicate that this Judeo-Christian god just wasn't into pussy at all, and where I come from that screams "HOMO!!!" Why else supply the all male-named angel cadre with (presumably functional) dicks?

 

Moving on to the "new testament." Lots of "characteristics" would peg Jesus as a queer, but that's obviously been over-examined ad-nauseum over the years. I'd rather draw attention to one of his "men"  Judas Escariot. It seems to me that his actions leading up to the crucifixion and the immediate period thereafter are those typical of a scorned lover. He betrayed Christ for abandoning him, wanted him punished, and wanted him to suffer as he himself was suffering. The old "if I can't have you, no one else will," and "see how well you can do without me at your side." Classic, gay, melodramatic over-reacting. However, as is always the case, the destruction of the beloved doesn't take away the pain. It's still there, and now the love can never be reclaimed, or even dealt with rationally.  So, a suicide seems the only course of action.

 

We've all seen a similar scenario played out in our community (albeit not quite to the death). It's very Homo Theatrics 101. The key evidence for my supposition is the fact (according to the texts and that's all there is) that the thirty pieces of silver were found at his feet when his hanged body was discovered. Not a single coin was spent from the payment received for ratting out Jesus. It was never about the money. It was about a broken heart, and a queer one at that. The richest and most powerful organization, the "church" (which controlled most of the civilized world for two thousands years), was founded on a fairly routine, yet tragic, gay love affair.

 

Just a silly thought here... I wonder what the apostles were doing during Jesus' orations and magic shows. Possibly acting as plants in the audience heartily agreeing with each pronouncement? Perhaps mingling in the crowd and picking people's pockets? Who knows? I'd like to think that they were a Chippendales-like dance troupe and performed slightly lewd routines while Jesus took breaks to drink some wine and ready his next "feat of wonder" to dazzle the multitudes. It's possible. Makes sense to me. It's all SHOW BIZ after all!

 

Later, Michael

 

 

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