Thugs 'n Ho's, Inc.

 by Michael Kirwan

— Originally published in Badpuppy magazine - July, 2003 —


It don't matter how fuckin' straight you are. When you're watching porn with a buddy and the atmosphere is right, you'd better watch your ass!




This punk owed me a lot of money. When I went to his house to collect on the debt he starts giving me this fucking song and dance about some shit that ain’t none of my business. I didn’t want to hurt him so I took his digital camera and about $180.00 in cash. The camera was brand new and worth almost twice the amount he owed me, but he was grateful that I was willing to settle our problem without things getting ugly. I liked new gadgets and tech type shit. I had a fucking great super-boosted computer and a bunch of other stuff like that. I wasn’t just some regular clown out on the street, I have real ambition and lots of good ideas. One night a few weeks ago I was hanging out with a bunch of my friends and they were giving me shit about being a player. Somebody said, “You fuck so many bitches it’s like you’re a professional or something.” And that got me thinking. Listen, I’m a great looking guy. I’m handsome, I hit the gym four times a week, I drive a Mercedes and I got a big fat dick. A lot of the girls say it’s too big for their pussies but that just makes me bang them harder, They want to get with me and my cock? Well, what can I say? Love fucking hurts. Hahaha!


Anyway, I figured out that I could film me fucking these cunts and put it on the Internet, you know? People would definitely pay to see someone like me porking these whores. I could charge them like twenty bucks a month and they could see me getting it on with some fine babes. Shit. There’s times where I put it to three or four cunts a day, and now, I had an expensive high tech camera to record it all on. I bet a million people would sign up to watch the shit I’m capable of doing when I get really going on a nice piece of ass. A smile spread across my face. Getting laid and getting paid, my two favorite activities.


At the club I kept my mouth shut about my new entrepreneurial enterprise. Although I always enjoyed amazing my hanger-ons with all the shit I plan to do, I didn’t want any of these characters trying to horn in on the action. Every once in a while, I’d bring some chick I’d just fucked and pass her off to one or more of these clowns, there was no way I wanted these losers involved in my newest project. I hinted plenty and my leech buddies tried hard to find out my game plan but in the end I told them shit. I’d filmed myself humping this one babe but the camera didn’t do no close-ups and stuff like that so I decided I needed another guy to hold the camera when I was fucking and I’d shoot him pumping the same hole. There was this guy, Louie, who worked out at my gym and was a bouncer at this other place I go sometimes. Louie was a big guy and covered in tattoos. He was always very respectful and you could tell he wanted to be part of my world. He wasn’t so socially adjusted but we’d talked, and I knew he’d appreciated me hooking him into some quality pussy. I’d seen him naked a couple of times in the gym showers, and knew he’d look good on camera, and I figured he was too dumb to gum up the works. When I approached him about the adventure, he was totally cool with the whole thing and said he’d be available whenever I wanted him to be. That’s the way I like to be treated.


I rented a hotel room for the weekend and me and Louie just cruised around and picked up pussy right and left all over the place. Some of the bitches glanced at Louie and figured him for a serial killer, but I charmed them right out of their panties like I always do. We drank, doped up, and fucked our brains out. You wanna know what we did in particular? Buy the fucking video when I finish it. Hahaha!!!!


I downloaded the seven film cassettes into my computer and invited Louie to come over and keep me company while I figured out how to edit all this shit into something marketable. I usually don’t invite friends over to my apartment because I have a lot of high-priced nice things all over. It’s not that I think they’re thieves or nothing, I’d just rather not take a chance and find out for sure. Of course I brought cunts up to my place to fuck but I never let them hang out or leave anything behind. You know how that shit goes. Years ago I had bitches banging on the door while I was sticking it to some other cunt, screaming that I was their man and causing me problems with the neighbors. So I try to fuck at their house or in an alleyway or something like that. They’re all so stupid that they think if you fuck them you hafta be in love with them. Hell, I rarely even liked these lowlife whores I jam it into.


The bell rang and I knew it was Louie because he had just called me to make sure the night was on and everything was cool. As I passed one of the many full-length mirrors in my place I wondered whether I should put some pants on. Normally I just wear my silk bikinis around the house. If you looked as good as me you’d want to see it all the time too, besides I don’t like wrinkling my clothes for no reason. I hesitated for just a second, flexing my massive biceps in the mirror and admiring my tight abs and packed crotch, then I remembered that he’d fucking seen me naked all weekend long and opened the door. He looked me over and smiled, handing me a paper bag with two bottles of very expensive brandy inside. I grinned because the boy had done his homework. Even though we’d never gone out drinking together, he’d brought my favorite drink along for the night. I figured he must have asked one of the bartenders at the clubs I frequent so he wouldn’t seem like a dumb-ass by offering me a fucking six-pack of beer. Everybody in this town knows me, I’m practically a local celebrity, admired by the men and loved by the bitches.


When I came back with some glasses he was already at the computer station and he’d taken his shirt off. We had a few drinks and did some blow while we reviewed tapes on the monitor. I dimmed most of the lights so we could watch the digital images better. I was trying to understand something about compression that kept popping up in a side window. The video stuff was hot, both of us tough bad-ass dudes smacking around one cunt after another and fucking the hell out of them with our giant cocks. Louie’s menacing ex-con look matched up great with my muscle-bound pretty boy look as we took turns stretching the cunts and mouths of the slutty girls. There were a few audio problems and some blurred filming, but for the most part, I was sure that there was more than enough useful footage. Towards the end Louie got better shots with the camera than I did, a lot of really good angles of me and my thick greasy cock being swallowed up by those tight pussies. We were both so excited about the sex and eventual profits that we both had huge boners. I pulled my silk bikinis off and tossed them on the other side of the room so I could play with my dick easier. Louie just growled and stroked his huge prod in time with the pumping on screen. I decided not to do any real editing because I was getting drunk and didn’t want to fuck anything up.


Louie sniffed and snorted, rubbing his nose while he watched the screen and occasionally glanced at my beautiful fat prick. He said, “Damn! Your dick looks even bigger in the movie than it does in real life. That fucking cock of yours looks huge there.”


“Yeah, I think you’re right. It definitely looks bigger than anything I’ve ever seen in a porno flick.” I stopped jerking off so he could see and admire how big it was in person. The heavy masterful prick bounced slightly in the glow of the monitor. I kept both hands on the table and leaned back a bit so he could really appreciate my equipment. When he touched it, I didn’t even react. With my eyes glued to the screen, I clutched the mouse in case I had to do a computer thing and took a few more sips of the V.O.S.P. he’d brought. I knew from the weekend and the video evidence right in front of me that Louie was straight. He was clumsy as he handled my bone, but it still felt good. I understood why he felt comfortable touching my dick. We’d been very close to each other when we humped those babes; we’d been sitting close watching really hot porn for the last couple of hours; and we’d finished off a quart of top shelve as well as putting a serious dent in an eight-ball. He was surprised and fascinated by the fact that I have my all my body hair waxed and was curious to feel the baby-soft pubic mound at the base of my cock. Besides, like I’ve said before, I am one seriously beautiful man.


“Getting to like the feel of it?” I asked snidely. I couldn’t let him have too much fun. Even though I liked getting felt up by him, there were barriers that had to be observed.


He snapped like he’d come out of a trance and let go of my hard-on in a hurry, muttering apologetically. Louie got a little awkward and poured us more drinks and we both indulged to clear the air. I figured a little distance might expel some of the awkwardness so I drank the brandy quickly and went to take a piss. When I came back into the room, I told him he could keep on enjoying the tapes but I was going to lay down for a few minutes. He looked at my perfectly sculptured body and my rock hard prick and nodded, returning his attention to the computer screen.


I was pretty wasted so I just laid down on the leather bedspread and closed my eyes. I’m not sure how long I was out but it must have been a while. As I regained consciousness, I felt Louie licking my ass. I didn’t move or give him any indication that I was awake. He must’ve been at it a while because that whole area was pretty wet and his tongue had breached my sphincter already. The scraping of his facial stubble and soggy bristle of his moustache and beard contrasted with the soft wet persistence of his lips and tongue. I was very glad that I had no hair in my crack or around my hole. The hot breath from his nostrils felt good along with the rimming. No way was I going to stop him. Girls didn’t know shit about proper ass-licking, and it had been years since I’d experienced it.


Louie’s fingers pried and kneaded the edges of my ass muscle, widening it so he could spear his muscular tongue deeper into my chute. He gently pushed my legs further apart and attached his face and fingers more firmly into my asshole. He fucking loved tasting the lining of my canal. He must’ve sucked and probed at it for more than half an hour. Having my butt-hole worshipped was so luscious I almost fell back asleep, but I was so fucked up on the alcohol and blow and watching myself with those broads that I began gyrating my hips slightly and thrusting my ass into his mouth. The movement was so minimal that I was sure I could pass it off as just a sleeper’s reaction.


He reached around and gripped my dribbling hard-on. He jerked me off in time to his tongue-fuck and a moan slipped out of my throat. Louie had two fingers spreading my pink for deeper access to the good stuff. He must’ve wanted to check out his handiwork because his mouth suddenly vanished and he slid three fingers in as deep as they would go. Half his meaty hand was rhythmically sawing in and out of my spittle-drenched ass-oyster, and he tenderly manipulated my balls with his other hand. I heard the crackling and squealing of the leather bedspread as he shifted his position behind me. As his rippled stomach and hard chest made contact with my back, his thigh pressed against my flank. I knew what was up.


Louie’s fingers reluctantly slid from my gaping rectum, and I considered pretending to wake up and get all loud and tough on him. He was bigger than me and probably crazy, but this was my home and I had won my share of street fights in the past. This was the time to stop. As much as the rimming had relaxed me, this was going in the wrong direction here. I had a reputation. “Too much booze, too much blow,” I thought to myself, “and I let this guy get too familiar over the weekend and earlier tonight.”


I was still thinking about how to go from letting him suck and finger me to being insulted and violent when I felt his cock-knob entering me. It was massive and filled me up almost immediately. A few inches jutted further in. I decided that there was no reason to make a scene now. I was already fucked. I sighed and relaxed, and more cock penetrated my insides. The fucking prick was gigantic. It felt like a telephone pole was disarranging my guts as it made a home for itself. In my drunken stupor, I convinced myself that taking it was a more manly act than protesting and acting like a put upon bitch.. All that tongue-probing had gotten me really horny.


He hawked a big gob of spit on the remaining shaft that wasn’t in yet, and then he buried the whole fucking thing up my ass. I groaned and squirmed, but he had me totally impaled. Louie rolled on top of me and began humping. He did it slow and easy and I was reminded how much he respected me. He was fucking brutal when he porked those broads. The weight and smell of him was surprisingly erotic. My body adjusted to the piercing intrusion after about fifteen minutes so I went limp and clutched my broken sphincter around the barrel girth of Louie’s tool a few times.


“Can you take it now?” he whispered behind my ear.


“Yeah. I gotcha.” I croaked. It was a manly exchange, not faggy in any way.


He began fucking me harder, long fluttery withdrawals combined with hard-pounding penetrating stabs. My reamed tunnel was alternately filled and emptied by his drilling prod. We were both sweating and growling as he jammed his giant cock into my imploded receptive ass. It was like a wrestling match as we gripped each other and slammed together in an aggressive rutting ritual. Louie plowed me continuously for along time, close to an hour, before he pulled out suddenly, and stumbled from the bed.


“Did you cum already?” I asked, my breath ragged.


“Hell no.” he answered. He staggered over to the computer station and brought back what was left of the blow and liquor. We both tooted up and then he shifted me into a doggie position before reintroducing his meat-saber to my flesh-sheath. “Now we’re gonna have some real fun.” He sniffed loudly and swigged brandy from the bottle. 


We fucked and snorted and polished off the V.S.O.P. until dawn. We both came twice, him deep in my slippery sleeve, me on the leather bed covering. It was exhausting and intense and I kinda blacked out from the quality blow. When he came back from the shower, he woke me up. We both just lay there on the gummy leather next to each other. Somehow he coaxed me into sucking his cock for a little while, just to see if it could get hard again. He lazily agitated two fingers in my mauled ass-cunt as I choked on his bone He came in my mouth and I drank it all. I tried too get him to suck me, but he toyed with my ass so expertly that I unloaded my third spurt of cream on his leg before he could get his mouth on my cock. I fell asleep with his fingers still up my ass.


He was gone when I woke up. It was early afternoon and I took a shower and put some coffee on. With some spray cleaner and paper towels, I started wiping up the bed. There were still puddles and smears of drying spooge all over the place. For no particular reason, I glanced up and noticed the camera stood on it’s tripod aimed at one of the mirrors. I didn’t remember putting it there so I went over and looked through the viewfinder. The mirror reflected the leather bed area and the bed was in perfect focus. I dreaded pushing the “eject” button but finally I did. It was empty. I tried to convince myself that I hadn’t loaded in a film cartridge two days ago. Then, I tried to minimize the capacity for what the camera could film in the low light emitting from the computer screen. Then, I tried to recall how long it took Louie to retrieve the bottle and the coke before coming back to bed the night before. The aroma of coffee briefly overpowered the rank sex smell and cleaning solution fumes in the room. That motherfucker. Then I started to cry..…




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